pros/cons of not being a sahm

Whew! We have survived the busiest time of the season. That is officially marked by the dance recital weekend. Pictures are yet to come of various events. This time of year is also busy since Aubrey and Reany's IEPs are due with school, and this was Reany's 3 year when they do all the testing and have to re-qualify them. Still hashing out those details as she didn't qualify for academics but needs so much assistance. Hopefully we can wrap that up soon.

Why am I up? Because Luke shuts off the dryer if it is still running after bed and I was going to fold the clothes after feeding baby to find them only half dried. I am going to fold those clothes and so I am waiting for them to dry. I typically have to do a couple loads a day, but on the weekends I don't so much.

Tomorrow I have a job interview...crazy but true. Kind of just for fun. I have decided that I don't want the position schedule I applied for, so going to wait and see. Same job I had before I had Libby. All before 9am on a day last week I had spent my time cleaning a horrible broken light bulb incident, picked up many uno cards with noah, had to vacuum up a spilled bag of snacks, and I feel like a chicken with my head cut off some days trying to keep up with Noah. And Luke wonders why I might love dropping the kids off at daycare. Oh I know that isn't fair to them and they are only young once and the BABY, like anyone can love her like me....but on the flip side, my energy levels seem so constricted in this environment the external outlet may be what I need. Seriously, I am a housekeeper trying to minimize additional tasks an active 2 year old may create. My children with developmental delays create another environment, one in which is of constant redirecting and supervision. I know God has given me a great responsibility and that is the point, I want to be sure I am utilizing myself to the best ability. Now not so sure I am. Take care of momma first, right?! I will only take the job if I can make it so the kids would only need care 3 days a week.
We would have many a changes and there would be many days that I would dread having to get up and get everyone out of the house, so unsure if I am ready for that challenge. I don't need to justify this to anyone and at this point, my kids would thrive in daycare. But, here is some listing:
cons- 1. someone else will be spending much time and more than me somedays, with my precious baby and kids

2. i will not have the privy of being sure that the kids are being brought up by the instruction of the Lord, even as simple as praying before meals. i feel strongly about my kids not taking things for granted, for giving thanks, and for seeing purpose for themselves.

3. i will have to plan to attend and be available for school functions (then again, with the 2 year old and infant- not exactly room parent of the year!)

4. 4 days a week (that will be the deciding factor if i get this position, and it was posted as a 5 day, so perhaps this is all hypothetical measurements!) having to get up and be ready at 7 am. and i think 9am gets earlier and earlier throughout the school year.

5. i will not be here when the kids are done with school, like i always have.

6. luke would be home more than me, during waking hours atleast...scary!

7. the laundry would not decrease

8. i would have to pump and miss out on my baby

pros-

1. i will get to use the combusted creativity to help people and be able to focus on something more than 20 minutes at a time

2. i will be monetarily compensated for my skills and productivity (but will i even want to go shopping)

3. i will have feedback and acknowledgment for my energy, that will (perhaps?) stimulate a more positive attitude while at home

4. my kids will not have to suffer for me having frustrations of the home...what does that mean? i have not exactly evolved to ms.cleaver, and some days seems like i am a greater problem than them, so is this what i need now?

5. the time i spend with my kids would be more appreciated and valued. is this a myth?

6. i could hire someone to do the cleaning if things get to hairy (literally?!)

7. the kids and i would have more structure and in turn be more structured?

Sounds like I really don't know. There are a lot of me me me there. And when it is said and done, I am responsible for my family and my children's well being. Going back to work does not mean I am abandoning them, and at this point it may even be a good thing for us. Only God knows if this is in our future. Please correct me if I am mistaken or missing anything of my lists. Will keep you posted!

Dryer is done...quick folding and back to bed!