Expectations

These are my expectations. Parenting children with attachment issues, in that there were traumatic experiences they had no control over, can be exhausting because they do have control over their responses to you. As a primary caregiver, it is often the mother that gets the short end of the stick. So I made them their own sticks, with flags on them. Everybody has flags to do, and they are numbered since there are some expectations before going to school. We have hygeine issues, we have memory issues, and we have mom issues. The flags take out that level of interaction for me and give me more of a break in the nagging. It is simple, and if we have leverage or expectations from them- such as soccer games, pop, what have you, we have compliance. Now what I really need to do is make one for Luke too, because he is not always requiring they do the flags. Of course he just doesn't value it as much as I do since he is not the one regularily expecting compliance on such mundane things. The last two mornings I skipped out on the morning, if Luke offers, I take it. There is no reason for both of us to be up, the earlier for me the easier to error (either me or him, mostly him, haha.) He is going hunting this weekend though and the kids have off from school, so we will have plenty of time together. We are doing great this school year, minus the babysitting special ed and having to be on our toes advocating for our kids education. We are blessed, we are both at home now, so that is a great thing...most days. I also have been subbing some, which is lots of fun and enjoyable to accomplish things, unlike the laundry mission around here. I had the priviledge of hosting an adoptive moms retreat at a local camp this past weekend, so that was my hunting trip. Hunting for R&R, got it! Met some neat women and reconnected with others from years past. We unite in our unique parenting experiences and encourage one another, it is really rewarding to see how we are changing the future for our kiddos! Even though we are left confused and tattered, we are raising some great kids and are winning for trying! Hats off to all you awesome moms!

A New School Year!

My little buddy is a kindergartener!! Noah is in spanish immersion and loves it! After the first week though, he did say that the day gets a little long and that he thought he should probably quit. Of course, I told him that he cannot quit school until after 12th grade and even then he will go to college and so he can just nap when he gets home if he needs to:) These girls are in 5th grade now! They started playing in Orchestra too, Libby chose the huge upright bass, Reany the violin. They are continuing with piano as well and are turning into wonderful little women! New students at the junior high and at the high school!! Only freshman go to high school the first day around here, and they both are off to a great year. This junior got to play hooky the first day of school! He gets to work at the school store this year though and so is really enjoying that and the store cash he earns even moreso! All three boys are playing soccer this season and are doing awesome, they might lead their team to state! Adapted sports are an incredible blessing to our family. Naomi started her first day of gymnastics and dance the first day of school too! She is doing great in the class and it is wonderful to see her respond to instructions, learn basic movements, and participate in a class setting. Soon she will be joining the 3 year old preschool too and working on some of her sounds (just barely qualified for articulation.) Little Lillie is a ham and an adorable one at that. This little monkey is very talkative and a smarty pants.

Giving Up

With sadness, I gave up on the big step girls. After over a decade of trying to teach them self-respect, dignity, and moral character; after over a decade of fighting for them to be of concern to their father- knowing the realities of paternal influence; and after a decade of going against the grain, I have chosen to flush out of the system and will wait patiently for the pangs of childhood to pass. In the end, I hope that righteousness prevails. I hope that they survive. I hope that my kids are not emotionally scarred from having the disconnect in this relationship. I hope that they know in their hearts how much I have cared for them and had high hopes for them, and that I wish nothing but the best for them. Things are still my fault, I could never win and in the end seem to be punished for the wrong reasons and there is no loyalty for what is right. There were ample opportunities for the truth to be told, there were ample times that I was told either lies or things they cannot be truthful about behind my back. I tried. I really did. In the end, I am praying that they recover from the upbringing we would do most differently, and from the youthful desires of the flesh. There is no end in my love for them; but as a person, I have to understand that they are their mother's daughters and someday they will (hopefully!) return. Years ago their grandmother had said she was glad we were getting the kids because we might leave them alone. That resignates to me, that the wrong has won and there is a battle here; however, I am submitting to God's authority and though the power of Christ I can accept there are thing I cannot change and that my wishes were always just that. Please Lord, take care of my girls and return them home sooner than later! Amen