Giving Up

With sadness, I gave up on the big step girls. After over a decade of trying to teach them self-respect, dignity, and moral character; after over a decade of fighting for them to be of concern to their father- knowing the realities of paternal influence; and after a decade of going against the grain, I have chosen to flush out of the system and will wait patiently for the pangs of childhood to pass. In the end, I hope that righteousness prevails. I hope that they survive. I hope that my kids are not emotionally scarred from having the disconnect in this relationship. I hope that they know in their hearts how much I have cared for them and had high hopes for them, and that I wish nothing but the best for them. Things are still my fault, I could never win and in the end seem to be punished for the wrong reasons and there is no loyalty for what is right. There were ample opportunities for the truth to be told, there were ample times that I was told either lies or things they cannot be truthful about behind my back. I tried. I really did. In the end, I am praying that they recover from the upbringing we would do most differently, and from the youthful desires of the flesh. There is no end in my love for them; but as a person, I have to understand that they are their mother's daughters and someday they will (hopefully!) return. Years ago their grandmother had said she was glad we were getting the kids because we might leave them alone. That resignates to me, that the wrong has won and there is a battle here; however, I am submitting to God's authority and though the power of Christ I can accept there are thing I cannot change and that my wishes were always just that. Please Lord, take care of my girls and return them home sooner than later! Amen